Support Josiah

I Can't Understand 

The past several weeks have been hard on our kids. It's nothing new. Just a lot more of IT than usual. As much as I try to describe what Josiah's self-injurious behaviors are like to witness, it is simply impossible to grasp unless you see it first hand. His sister and brothers have a front row seat for this heartache, and I cannot fully grasp what that must be like for them. As I often tell them, "I know this is so hard for you. I also know that 

I can't understand fully, because my childhood was very different from yours." It is important to acknowledge that I can't understand, but it is much more important that I remind them WHO can understand. 

The baby fussed for just a second in his sleep this morning, and Josiah bolted awake at 4:30am. I managed to redirect and calm him until 5:45am, but then he very suddenly became overwhelmed and lost it. He started being self-injurious and aggressive right outside the boy's bedroom door. In those moments, it feels as if the entire house is holding its breath and waiting to see if this will be brief or if it will turn into something much more severe. It turned, and Jack was by my side. I managed to get Josiah calm after much exhausting physical effort. I gave instructions to Jack and Olivia to listen and care for their younger brothers while I sat in the van with Josiah. I called Papa to come over and get Jo, and he and Meemaw managed Josiah while I rushed to get the kids out the door for school. And so their day began. 

The baby keeps saying, "Don't leave me, Mom" every time I have to take Josiah for van rides.

Judah worries about not doing a good job in school since he has to finish so much of his homework independently. He gets concerned that I will forget his lunch when I have to manage Josiah's meltdowns while rushing the kids off to school with a promise that I will bring their lunches later. 

Jalen covers his ears and says, "Stop crying Josiah!" Several days ago when Josiah was having a particularly bad meltdown, Jalen ran to his computer and turned on the music video "Traveling Soldier" by the Dixie Chicks, because he knows that song calms Josiah. It was so moving, because Jalen has autism as well. 

Jack's teacher sent me his
prayer request from school.

Jack gets quiet. He doesn't say much about what he is thinking and feeling. But his profound concern is palpable. 

And Olivia mothers. She watches babies and helps with dinner. And yes she tells me how cruddy this all is at times. And I agree. 

The kids have their Christmas concert tonight. The program starts at 7pm, but Josiah has been completely exhausted by 7:30pm. And, since things are so hard for him right now, his schedule dictates everything. Jeremy will go to the program while I stay with Josiah. It's our normal. And it's hard. 

I pray this fundraiser will make a huge difference for Josiah. I pray it for his sake. I pray it for all of our children's sake. 

This is an old picture, but one of my favorites.
Jack, Josiah, and Olivia

God is in control. He has purposes even in these challenges. I pray that God is using Josiah to prepare his siblings to be compassionate Jesus followers who are more fit to love Him and others. Not in spite of their childhood experiences. But perhaps because of them.

Thank you to everyone who is helping us reach our goal. We are profoundly grateful!

Christy