Support Josiah

My Baby

My Aunt and Uncle have some dear friends who have a large family. The wife was a lot like me in that she was probably never going to feel like she was "done" having babies. Several years ago, she was reaching the end of her child-bearing years when she found out she was expecting again. If I'm remembering the story correctly, she gave birth to a little girl, having no idea that the baby had Down Syndrome. My Uncle relayed how well they took the news and of how sweet it was that she would always have her youngest child (her baby) to love and care for. 

In Autism circles, like most circles, there are lots of opinions and a fair amount of people ready and waiting to get offended. There are the people who view Autism as a special gift that makes them super smart and unique, and they don't like the thinking that Autism needs to be cured. I would argue that those folks are probably higher functioning and not as tormented by their Autism and subsequent diagnoses like Josiah is each day. But I understand where they are coming from, and I only mention this line of thinking to assure you that I respect and love my ten year old son endlessly. But caring for him at ten years old is still very much like caring for him at 18 months old. He is and will probably always be my "baby." 

Imagine the vulnerability of an infant or even toddler. Their every need has to be met. Now imagine if that child had all the same needs and the same level of vulnerability, but could walk and run and was as strong as a ten year old. That is our boy. People often say to us about Josiah that "he understands a lot more than anyone realizes." I agree with that on a certain level, but I do not believe that my child is typical on the inside and just unable to speak. There is a simplicity about our boy. You can see it in his eyes. They are the eyes of innocence. They see the world with newness and surprise and with no understanding of the dangers and evils that are out there. Take for instance the wind. Josiah is absolutely mesmerized by the wind blowing through the trees. This never gets old for him, and he always seems surprised by how it looks and sounds and feels. 

He gazes into our eyes. Sometimes he sees us. And sometimes he sees his reflection in our eyes. Like the wind, he gazes with pure joy as a baby does seeing their reflection in a mirror for the first time. This is precious and sweet and endears us to our boy. But when you consider the day to day needs of someone who functions at less than one year of age, his vulnerability and helplessness is staggering. 

Josiah mostly eats finger foods. Staying at the table to eat is too overwhelming. So he roams about spreading a trail of crumbs where ever he goes. He isn't potty-trained so you can imagine all that that requires in terms of care. He cannot bathe himself. He cannot dress himself. He cannot fall asleep without help. He cannot maintain his sleep without me sleeping next to him. He has no concept of danger. He cannot soothe himself, but swinging soothes him so we spend hours swinging him each day. This is to say nothing of the care his sensory needs require.  

He has grown bigger and he has had triumphs like tolerating wearing shoes and socks and attending school for 45 min consistently. But, in so many ways, he is still my baby. I feel blessed to have him, love him, and care for him. He will always be my baby......

Christy