I sat outside in the therapy room for a short while Sunday morning while Jeremy cared for Josiah. What a marvel it is to see all that God has accomplished in such a short period of time. And what a blessing to know that so many people loved us enough to give. As I sat there, the thought crossed my mind that I would gladly give it all away if only our boy could be whole. Or perhaps not even whole. I would give it all away if only Josiah could live day to day with joy and not in a relentless sensory battle that so often leaves him distraught and further isolated. If only....
But this thought was fleeting. We don't live in a situation where dreaming of "if only" accomplishes anything other than planting seeds of discontentment in our hearts. There is a unique agony to watching your child struggle and suffer. And, because we long for relief for our boy, we pray that God will show extravagant mercy. We pray that God will choose Josiah to showcase His healing power. But we pray these prayers with the knowledge that He has a plan that we do not know. A plan that works even the hardest of days together for our eternal good and His glory. A plan that isn't in spite of suffering, but rather a plan that beautifully weaves both joy and sorrow together. And, when we trust in the Father, He is able to blur our vision in such a way that the joys and sorrows appear like one constant thread of Him holding us. And, in that place of complete dependence, there is an unspeakable joy that can be found. 
Jeremy and I would be the first to point out how imperfectly we are walking this road. Our failings are much more numerous than our triumphs. And, any triumphs that we do have, are soley due to our Father's long-suffering and mercy and grace. What we pray others see in us is the fact that God is able to sustain. We pray others see that, apart from trusting in Jesus, we would be swallowed up by the day to day burden of this disorder. We pray that others understand that we have absolutely no idea how we will grow old and still be fit and able to care for Josiah, but that we are trusting in the ONE who holds our future. My impatience, my anger, my bitterness, my discontentment, my complaining.....none of these things change the fact that God is seated on His throne. We should daily strive to better trust in our Father's plan, but, praise Jesus, HE alone is the one who enables us to trust. What a comfort to know that He, not only has a plan, but He holds all the power to help us trust that plan. No matter what trial you may be facing, take comfort. "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
Because of His grace,
Christy
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